The weather has been crazy; spring can’t decide if it’s going to stay or not. It’s as confused as we are.
Snow on the deck, May 8, 2020
I’ve been having trouble working through this lately. Maybe because I haven’t set any goals to complete projects, but that’s because the projects I have now are my own and they don’t have any urgency. There is always tomorrow, right? The calendar is blank. I’ve heard others make the same observation.
Each day I wake up feeling a lingering sadness, even if I have something in mind that I might do that day. Today, I realized that, after nearly three months of avoiding close contact with people, then avoiding them altogether during self-quarantining on our way home from Arizona, and then continuing upon our return, and then becoming so conscious of the danger of not constantly washing my hands, or sanitizing them when out (wearing my mask) to do grocery shopping, this has become the new normal. As much as I long to sit down at a table with friends and family, to return to playing pickleball and ukulele in a group, I have trouble imagining being able to do those things again, without fear.
I’m one of the fortunate ones. I get to stay home where it’s safe. I don’t need to worry about losing my job or not being able to pay my bills if I don’t want to go to work in one of the dangerous environment out there, without adequate protection. I don’t need to feel obligated to risk my life to help save the lives of those who have been hit with the virus, although I shed many tears for those who are brave enough to do it.
And I do feel guilty about being so privileged. This is my new normal. Who knows if it will ever change?
Thank goodness for all the beautiful, and funny, video clips that are shared through the internet! They help to lift my spirits.
I’d love to hear from people around the world. How are you working through COVID-19?
Mind Traveler 
Hi Judy, Sorry I’m late in responding. It is tough and I find that every time we hang up from a video chat with our kids I feel so sad because we don’t know *when* we will be able to get together in person. Yet, I am grateful that we have the technology to see them on our screens and not just have to rely on hearing their voices or reading words in a letter, as was the case for our parents. So we have to have hope that things will get better soon. You may be able to get out for a pickleball game sooner than you think, and the risk may be smaller than you fear. Do you have the virus? Does anyone you know have the virus? Do you think that any of your pickleball friends would come out if they were ill, or if they’d been around people who might be sick? We have to get back, slowly, to things we enjoy doing, and starting with those outdoor things may be the best way to start.
If your empty calendar bothers you, take it down or fill it up with what you *will* do that day. Give yourself some tasks. I don’t write these on the calendar but I do write them in my work journal and then leave that open on my desk. This will get better. We just have to take it one step at a time, one day at a time.
Cheers!
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Hi Christine. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. The day I wrote that I was having a downtime, but I have since pulled myself back up. I have an idea what I want to do every morning before I get out of bed and usually accomplish lots. Except for not being able to play pickleball or ukulele in a group, our lives aren’t that much different than they usually are here in the summer. I talk to my girls as often as usual and it’s been only eight months since I last saw them. Often it’s a year or two between visits. I am disappointed that I can’t go to Poland to see my son, but someday I’ll get there. It’s been two years since I’ve heard his voice though.
Now that the weather is getting nicer, I’ve been doing some gardening and yesterday, on our way back from a long walk, we discovered that the Ice cream Shop was open, with no lineup, so we enjoyed our first cone of the season!
Yes, we will have to continue cautiously, and it could be a long time before it’s safe to travel, but I’ve learned to appreciate the little things. Take care.
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Thanks for putting our reality in perspective. I took heart with your last comment saving you appreciate the little things. I can just imagine your long walk followed by a delicious ice cream cone. Living at the moment gave you joy. 👏
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You have captured the life of so many. Blank calendar, slow moving projects but no serious financial worries. Think I’m also grieving loss of life as we know it. Hope we can all hold it together. And the sun is shining this morning.
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Hi Linda. Just looking through my blog comments and see that I’ve missed doing some replies. I think this one might have been one of them! So sorry. I always appreciate getting your comments. Hope to get out to pickleball one of these days, as I understand a group goes to Campbellford.
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You summarized my feelings as well. Indeed, we are privileged even though our calendar is void of commitments. Sometimes I feel lucky and relaxed in one moment and then restless and wondering what should be done to bring meaning to my day. The weather seems to reflect our lives. One day almost summer-like with sun and warmth and the next number of days cool, windy and overcast. But remember that this too will pass and there is a rainbow in our future.
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Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Helen. We will get through this, but I don’t think it will be the same “normal”. For many reasons, that could be a good thing, but at the moment some things are moving so quickly into more division and contempt for fellow human beings by some, it is difficult to believe that we can ever turn around, at least not in our life-time. It will be interesting to see. A vaccine would help elevate our fear.
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Like you Judy, feeling blessed we do not have to go to work, also feeling very sad about how the younger generation will make it through this on the long run..
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Yes, Eileen, there are so many unanswered questions about what the future will hold, for us and for the next generation.
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